This has been my heart's question for months now. Ever since we picked up and ran away from DC to Denver. We had reasons to leave and general faith that we were doing the right thing but we sure haven't known where we are going. So how to continue having faith that you are doing the right thing?
Life is messy and God is good. When I heard it, I felt it in my soul.
"Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the spirit." That is faith. Just trying to keep in step with God, even when we have no idea where we are going or what will happen in life.
I don't think it means (now theologically am going to make a major detour here from what some of my friends believe so hang in there) that God is in control of every move we make and every event in the world. No, God is not a God that kills parents, gives children HIV, and creates orphans. Not His plan. The world operates on free will, as proven by the never ending sad and catastrophic events around us, and so here we are making our own choices and weaving our own messy crazy lives.
But God has a will and often a redeeming plan for the sadness. No one finds God's will in a straight line. We take our circuitous route in life and we pray that through our mess and choices He will use us where He needs us.
This is getting preachy in my opinion. But it brings me around to adoption.
I have come to a realization over the weekend. God did not create an "orphan" for us.
But God saw that we would be a good family for a child who needs one and as we've wound our way around having children he has tapped on my heart to see if He can use us for a specific child.
I think if we rejected His tapping he would hopefully find another family to fulfill His redemtive plan for a child in need. And we would continue on our circuitous route and I believe He would tap again in other ways.
But we are trying to live by the Spirit and keep in step with the Spirit. So even though adoption is hard hard work (our dossier packet arrived and man, I did NOT know you have to send every stupid document to the Se.cretary of State for authentication - what the heck?) we remember that no one finds God's will in a straight line and we just keep trying our best.
Sunday's sermon reminded me of one of the reasons I go to church which is to be real, hopefully hear God whispering a word in my ear or feel the tap on my heart, and to know that we are not alone. We are new here, but not alone.
Here are the things I love about our church:
It is not normal.
You don't have to believe to belong is the mantra.
We meet in a historic neighborhood theater.
We host Denver musicians on Sunday nights and congregation members come out to listen and support.
The kids church is in the lobby - it shares the space with the ticket office and a waffle restaurant.
Our pastor lives and plans to die in this neighborhood - he is commited to our community.
We are a bunch of neighbors who still don't know each other really well but we are trying hard.
We called ourselves slacker church for a long time - because we could only meet once/month - but in the fall we are going to become a weekly church and I am proud that we've gotten here.
The route is very circuitous but I sure am glad that for now it has brought us to Denver, to Pathways in the Highlands, and to, hopefully, our little girl.
Dad is here and we've been talking a lot of theology. Thanks for helping me wrap my mind around birth family loss and adoption as it relates to God's will.