Every tree limb overhead seems to sit and wait, while every step you take becomes a twist of fate.
Up on the watershed, standing at the fork in the road...

If you are new to our adoption blog please take a moment to scroll down to the archives at the bottom of this page and start with July 2009 post "Watershed."



I have been shooting off a lot of random prayers/wishes towards the universe lately.

And it bothers me. Because I believe in a God that answers prayers.

But ever since this adoption started I've been living in a half-panicked half-giddy state of mind. I can't seem to sit still and just be. And prayer really requires some measure of sitting and being with yourself. Yes, yes, I realize it doesn't always have to be like that. But don't you think God would prefer not to receive semi-screaching panicked giddy "thoughts" directed and shot off towards him as I drive around Denver singing Sara Groves at the top of my lungs?

Wouldn't the world be a better place if I could calm down and just sit and be for awhile?

Here are the most recent examples of complete mind meltdown:

We missed our flight to MN! As if we were completely rookie travelers. We forgot Jeremy's passport (he only has a paper license for now) and we were all the way there when we realized he needed photo id. Instead of just calmly calling an airline to figure out what to do I decided we should drive all the way home, in rush hour, to get the passport! And that wasn't the end of it. Several other odd errors in judgement lead to a complete MISS of the flight. Many prayers shot off to the universe to get us on the next flight.

Yesterday I found myself in Sunf*lower Mar*ket (well, I drove there but lately my mind is somewhere else and so I seem to find myself places) wandering the tiny little child section. I was being furtive and sneaky because I felt like everyone in the entire store knew that I didn't belong there, shouldn't be purchasing things for a future child, and was jinxing my entire adoption by selfishly fingering baby stuff! Admission time. I bought things. I bought more than one thing. I bought several. I bought wooden puzzles. I bought a tiny tiny Si.gg waterbottle with dolphins on it. I bought other things. Oh dear. The bag (yes, we are putting it all in a huge bag) is getting full already! (BTW, I feel compelled to say here that I promise we will actually create a room for this child!)

So I felt I needed to send up a few shots of prayer that I wasn't actually jinxing the adoption and that little #3 isn't at jeopardy due to my selfish purchasing desires. I just feel convinced that if I build up a little storehouse of child goodies I'll never get a kid to go with them. So, many prayers and wishes tossed out.

But I feel guilty and wish I could pray some sincere prayers to God for our adoption, the safety of our child, and for our friends and family who will need to adjust themselves and their expectations so much in all of this. Maybe the rest of you could say these prayers for me? I am assuming you are all much better at it and much less giddy-panicked.

I posted Sara's song yesterday, It's Going to be Alright, because it is the song that plays over and over in my head all day and all night. I think maybe it is God's answer to the panic-giddiness. A little gift. Actually, last night I finally slept.

Look, I know these posts can be vague and I haven't said much of any substance about the adoption. Thanks for so many good comments and emails!

In answer to a few questions:

We are going with Ethiopia, for now, as long as it all works out on that path.

We are open to changing to China if need be.

Our parameters are that we would like to adopt a child under 20ish months, with a very certain special medical need that we feel ready to handle, preferrably a little girl (we have our reasons but are open if that ends up not being the right direction.)

I have other information but I just can't post it on this blog. We have reason to be giddy-panicked though!!!!!!! I swear!!!!!!

Traveling baby waterbottle



  1. Seriously, shopping and filling your life with things for #3 is the only proof you have that #3 is on the way. I think there is absolutely no need to panic or feel guilty about bring many, many, many wonderful things into your home for Her (maybe him?). I had Myra's nursery set up and finished for almost 18 months before we even received her referral....18 month and no baby. But it really help me feel like there was a baby at the end of this long, never ending wait. So shop, shop, shop like the baby is coming home tomorrow. It is so much more fun that way.

    Happy, jiddy is a great way to live...so here is to many more missed flights...but not the one to ET.

    ps...I was kidding about the room.

  2. Amanda, I found your blog a couple weeks ago as I was traveling from one adoption blog to another...and realized that you looked familiar! How crazy was that to stumble on your blog! We were at Bethel at the same time. I was a social work major.

    Anyway, I've been excited to read your posts-and figured I should let you know I'm reading. We're also in the process of adopting from Ethiopia.

    I SO appreciate your willingness to be real. Thank you. You can click on my name to find my blog and I can send you my email address.
    Hope to hear from you!
    Sharon Bonnett

  3. Thanks for adding your family to the blog list! The one you commented on is for CHSFS forum families but I did get you added to the list that has families from all agencies! : )

    that address is

    Very Best Wishes!!

  4. Hi A&J,

    I think shopping for baby stuff is 100% natural and normal! Whether you're conceiving or adopting, you need to go through some sort of nesting process. Plus you totally need visual tangible things to remind yourself that this is all real! And there are so few times in life when you can look forward to something so wonderful, so let yourself be happy and giddy and savor the moments of happy anticipation! And I believe in a God who totally understands and accepts slightly frazzled prayers during times of excitement or despair, so I think he's doing a happy little holy jig up there in heaven every time he hears from you because you're planning to give a child a healthy and happy life full of love.

    But would it be wierd for ME to start buying baby stuff for Cox #3? It's tempting!



About Me

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J and I have been married for almost 15 years. We have shared many adventures and a lot of watershed moments. In 2009 I began blogging and in 2010 we adopted our daughter from Ethiopia. In March of 2012 we began the process to adopt a little boy from Haiti. This blog follows the many twists and turns on the road to our two children and beyond.