Calling on Sara Groves again

It is Thursday and it has been a long hard week already. I don't have to say that very often thank God. But today I am just one disappointment away from turning off the lights and drowning myself in Indigo Girls circa 1993.

It's funny how you can never predict how a week will turn out. Sunday afternoon it was all looking bright and rosy...a path of happiness just laid out ahead of us.

But God was preparing my heart for the storm because although I blogged that
~Life is Messy and God is Good~
I hadn't had to live in those words just yet.

Blogs aren't always the right place to say absolutely everything.

But I will say this. The process of choosing a waiting child for adoption is a bit different from waiting for a referral. When you wait first I'm sure you feel the pain of every day dripping slowly by. When you choose first you risk loss after you've attached. Neither is very pretty or safe until the day they say "this child is legally yours now please go get her and adore her, amen."

So. You get the idea. That was Tuesday.

On Wednesday our church began to unravel over theological differences. As I read the relevant emails and learned what the fallout would be, chills ran up and down my arms. We just got here. We just felt home, finally. We thought our tiny extension of Pathways hiding in the Highlands was immune.

I am disappointed. I am angry at this stupid week of July 26th, 2009. And I am tired of being a sensitive person. Sometimes it would be nice to just not be that person - the involved person.

I may have to see if Jeremy would mind if I moved into a bubble and had him just deliver taco bell and wendy's and chocolate chip cookies to me till death do us part. (Death by fast food and cookies...mmmm...)

Last night just as Jeremy was about to hear me say some very unchoice words about this week a song popped into my head. Sara Groves interceding for me with God?

We are in very strange days over here in Denver!! You know you have moved into a whole new realm of "life is odd" when someone you've never met is your God-line. This is an odd little Amanda, God, Sara Groves triangle I'm in but hey, I'm not going to question it! The words really do SO fit.

Trying to choke back my frustration and listen...

When anger fills your heart
When in your pain and hurt
You find the strength to stop
You bless instead of curse

When doubting floods your soul
Though all things feel unjust
You open up your heart
You find a way to trust

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

When fear engulfs your mind
Says you protect your own
You still extend your hand
You open up your home

When sorrow fills your life
When in your grief and pain
You choose again to rise
You choose to bless the name


That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

In the mundane tasks of living
In the pouring out and giving
In the waking up and trying
In the laying down and dying

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

~Choosing to keep rising ... A