Dogs, Books, Babies and a Glimmer of Hope

Have you noticed in my last several posts that I'm really trying hard not to obsess over our referral? I have been finding new things to obsess about.

1. Serious cramping/pain in my lower abdomen.

Day one: treated it as beginning of cycle. Early.

Day two: looked all over internet and decided it is early pregnancy cramping. Spent day having faux pregnancy which involved eating a frosty and fries (now that I am eating for two you know...) and calculating my due date online.

Day three: pain moves from lower abdomen to upper abdomen and after much more googling decide that it is side effects from my PCOS - obviously a bleeding cyst.

Today is Day Four and since I have way too many other interesting things to think about I've decided that I'm better. (Although faux pregnancy continues since I refuse to take a test and put an end to the daydream. By the time it ends I'm sure I'll have gained 5 lbs.)

2. Building a baby book library that is reflective of baby's race and culture and our uniqueness as as an adoptive family. This has become a major obsession and was fueled by an article I read by an adoptive father recently who stated that he had spent years helping his children adopted from Russia appreciate their culture. "Their MISSISSIPIAN culture." HUGH UGH. I know I ask this a lot, but what is wrong with people?

3. Milo. Well you saw in my last post that I am on a mission to rescue Milo in Thailand.

I can't help but feel personal responsibility and guilt that I left Milo (fully knowing that at some point the tsunami volunteers would all leave and probably not consider taking him) and brought Talay home with me. She was a cute little puppy. Milo was an older dog. I think it mirrors some of my guilt in our adoption. If I really analyze it. We've asked for a baby/toddler. Instead of one of the older children who I know need and desperately want to be adopted but have less hope of growing up with a family. I'm no therapist but after analyzing my obsession with Milo that's what I've come up with. Not that I plan to stopy trying to help him. Am planning a fundraiser for Milo and the S.oi D.og F.oundation here in Denver.

(BTW, did you see how FAST the organization found my post and commented yesterday? Wow. Serious proof of the power of G.oogle A.nalytics.)

(My last night on the beach in Khao Lak. Milo was so happy to go to the beach.)

(Milo playing with Talay. I flew home the next day and Talay arrived by cargo a few days later.)

4. I have saved the best for last for those of you still reading. There are referral deee velllll oppppp mennnttttsss...... (read the last word in a sing songy voice - that helps.)

What to share? What not to share? I would share it all if I thought it would be ok with our agency.

Bare minimum details. A little girl that I have known about for 2 months will be paper ready for referral at end of this month. She is a little over our ideal age range. But her name has found a place in my heart and thoughts. We have never seen a photo of her but a friend is at her orphanage for the next 10 days and will email me a little report with pictures and her thoughts.

Our agency is going to be working with a new orphanage. One that cares specifically for kids with the special need we have requested. When I opened my email this morning and saw the details my stomach cramps and malaise just sort of disappeared. I might even organize the basement this weekend!

I hope. I hope that after reading my last week of posts nobody comes away from this blog wondering why we are adopting. I hope that you will leave a comment if you want to talk more offline. I hope that I am not too much of a downer but have helped anyone considering adoption to think through some of the issues clearly. I'm glad to have this forum, and all of the amazing adoptive mothers who are willing to dialogue, because there is always room to examine, debate, and discuss when we are talking about children's lives. Thanks.

Signing off with hope,

~A