Moving up the list?

What a difference a week can make. Now the sun is out again, snow is gone, and it's back to the 60s like that huge blizzard never even happened. I'm seriously an old lady blogging about the weather. But I am obsessed with it. We moved here for our 300 days of sunshine/year and I am COUNTING!

Yesterday I had a little crisis of the - I really don't want to wait anymore - variety.
Jeremy was at a wood turner's association meeting in the evening. I had no one to entertain me. So I started fishing around online for things to make me feel better.

I think being a waiting adoptive parent makes you a lot like a drug addict. You need little hits - you need need them - to keep you going forward. To prevent you from stalling and crying and stamping your feet.

First I fished around on waiting child photo listings (this actually started over the weekend and was the thing that precipitated the impatience.) Fishing on photo listings is not a good idea. Never. I won't go into details but those of you who have given into that temptation know what I mean. Stay. the. course. Stay. the. course. That needs to be my mantra.

Second I decided to send a long emotionally demanding email to my friend, Leah, who has adopted twice and is entering their third (with our agency.) She knows what she is doing. She is patient with my long emails but gives good, solid, serious advice that helps set me back on track.
(Anyone else want to receive long emotionally demanding emails from me? Because if so please let me know and I'd be happy to oblige and take some of the pressure off of Leah.)

Third I did my self-soothing blog stalking. For those of you who haven't engaged in this sport it involves returning to the same exact blogs over and over obsessively hoping your favorite writers have posted a new post about their time in Ethiopia, a new photo of their child, or - best of all - a long detailed post about the day they got their referral. You read every detail soaking in the happiness vicariously.

Finally I opened a Tar*get registry. (Not that I am expecting a truck load of gifts. We will probably end up buying most of it ourselves.) But I did it. And I'm glad I did because wow there are a lot of online options. Tar*get online is even bigger and more complicated than Tar*get the store. I think I registered for about 5 things in over an hour. This is going to kill J. There is no way he can register with me. I think I need to "pre-register" and then take him with me and guide him. Ok, here are the things I registered for that I know I need for any age. A diaper pail. A clip on travel wipe thingy. A set of animal bathtub toys. A pacifier thermometer (because doesn't that just sound so much more civilized than the other options?) A xylaphone/piano toy. That's about it. All that's needed to be a toddler in America.

Bedding seems mysterious to me because I think I need silk of some sort to keep baby's hair nice. Is that right?

Safety stuff seems important but that is one area I think I will assign to J because it looks very boring.

Oh! I almost forgot! The one thing I am most excited about. I registered for a little red toddler wagon for pulling her to the park. (We have amazing parks at each end of our street.) It seats two. So Cassidy can ride along if she gets tired. Or we could bring a toddler friend I suppose...

None of these coping strategies gave me the high I was looking for. Including ordering Thai food.

So I emailed our agency coordinator. The one who sent me that great email back last month saying we were #3. I tried to control myself. I wanted to be the kind of person who could wait a month in between emails. But I needed the hit - the adrenaline rush I knew I'd get this morning when I saw her name in my inbox.

All of that lead up to say that we are still #3 but....moving up to #2 in the "next week or two." She must be in the process of giving out a referral this week and waiting for a family to accept.

This is good. This is good. I feel better this morning.

Leah reminded me that for every referral given there is a sad story. A family breaking apart, a child found to be sick, a parent saying goodbye or passing away. It is painful to think this way. As a professional I always used to view inter-country adoption that way. But as a mom on the waiting list it is interesting how different it feels. I have to remind myself of the sadness that brings a child to my number on the list.

The rest of this week I am going to remind myself to be praying daily for baby and the circumstances (totally out of her control) bringing her rapidly towards us.

~A