Day 2 - Baby in Blue

We missed her that night and were so excited to bounce out of bed to get to her in the morning. But when we arrived at 10am she was sleepy again. After some holding and feeding in the baby room D was rubbing her eyes and it was obvious we should leave and come back later. We just could not figure out what time of day to visit when she wasn't exhausted.



I don't remember what we did in between visits. Sometimes we walked over to AAI/Layla house to get photos of kids that families had requested. Sometimes we went back to Kelley's house. Sometimes we went to a nearby restaurant. We yearned for her when we weren't with her and revisited every look, every head turn, every noise.

When we went back in the afternoon D was dressed in an enormous flowing blue dress. She was hesitant but we decided we needed to get her out of the nursery to work on bonding. This was my favorite visit. We took her into the little playground and I sat at the bottom of the slide holding her. We gave her a snack trap (the little cup with a plastic top with an opening big enough for little fingers to take out snacks) filled with cheerios. She couldn't figure it out at first but kept trying to poke her fingers in, shake it, even suck on the sides. It was pretty cute.

We got a few small smiles. J took her to the (less than safe) merry go round and slowly held her and pushed her around on it. More serious face. It was very hard to make her smile. Looking back I think she was feeling sick and very stressed.

(Look at that infected squinty left eye. It was bright pink and bumpy. Found out later it was part of her full body bacterial infection.)
A problem we kept experiencing was that when we were near the nannies they were constantly in her face, clapping, hugging, talking, feeding, over stimulating. They were just all over her. It was hard to push in and give her any attention. They did not encourage her to us enough. So we had to take her out of the baby room to do any bonding. But being out of her room was hard for her. It was a tough cycle.

I started to feel that my baby in blue was sick. She just was not the baby that Morgan had described to me. No sparkle or shine. No smiles. Just limp. With tightly clutching little hands. And I didn't think our visit was to blame. Something was going on....








~A

Day One - We Met Derartu

June 1, 2010
I left Uganda on May 30th. At the airport Ethio.pian Airlines did not have my name on the confirmation list. Apparently they are serious when they recommend reconfirming your flight ahead of time. I guess I just hadn't believed it. The flight was booked and paid for - what on earth was I reconfirming? It caused an hour of panic and I'm pretty sure I stated several times "I AM MEETING MY BABY IN ADDIS" to the counter staff. That couldn't have made much sense to them. I imagine they were thinking I was a very irresponsible mother for sending my child alone and unaccompanied ahead of my own flight.

Worked out the flight situation, I arrived in Addis on Sunday evening and had to wait through Monday for J to arrive from the States.

A very wonderful and generous friend and her family took care of us during our 19 days in Ethiopia. Kelley picked me up from the airport, tucked me into her warm and cozy guest room (with soft guest bed and feather duvet) and I relaxed for 24 hours. I knew that the orphanage was within walking distance of the house but thankfully had no idea which direction.

I slept in for the LAST time that Monday morning. I slept until 9:30am (I am writing that with SUCH longing right now!) and then lounged in bed for another hour. Kelley's kids (Ben, Isabella and Simon) didn't know adults could sleep so long and thought I had died in my room. Bella called her mom to say that she thought something might be wrong with me. ;)

On Tuesday morning, June 1st, the sun was shining and I met J at the airport at 7:30am. It was SO good to see him after several weeks apart and after all of the intense anticipation for this day.
We went back to Kelley's house and ate yogurt and fruit sitting quietly on her front porch. J slept for awhile while I paced around watching the clock.

At 11am Kelley came home and drove us down the street to the orphanage. We thought we'd be meeting Derartu right away so as we arrived my heart was racing. I remember walking up to the office to let the director know that we were there and my palms were dripping sweat. We have it all on video but didn't really take any photos. In the video we are giggling and breathing heavily and looking very pasty and pale with fear. (Or at least I am.) Jeremy says he felt fine.

But all of that anticipation was for nothing. She wasn't there! She, and almost all the other children and nannies, were at the WWO for a doctor's appointment.

We took the time to walk around and watch lunch preparations as the director, Jambo, gave us a tour. I had been to the orphanage twice before but not in this new location.

Jambo walked us straight back to the baby room first. I was holding our little FLIP video camera as I walked and feeling fine knowing that she wasn't going to be in the room. But what was in the room completely took my breath away. It was our picture. The one we blew up to 8x11 and sent with another family at the end of March. We wrote on it and sent it off but were never sure if it made it to Derartu.

As we walked into the room my eyes landed right on the picture hanging over her little yellow crib. And I burst into tears. All these weeks we've been hanging right over her crib watching her.

We spent another 30 minutes waiting and pacing on the front porch. I was fine as long as I knew she wasn't there yet. Periodically we'd have a false alarm and rush to turn on the video camera.

Suddenly it was time. And the rest is really a beautiful blur. As evidenced by our complete lack of photos. I didn't want to be living this behind a camera. We have video that Kelley took but neither J or I took any still photos. I am a little regretful just for the sake of the blog and posterity. But I know that in my mind I have the pictures captured forever.

The van pulled in. Kids streamed out. Nannies carrying two babies were walking towards us. Kelley said "there she is." And I looked up and thought "what? that's her? Why don't I recognize her?"
Oops. I was looking at the wrong nanny/baby combination.

She was in the second nanny's arms. Serious face on. Chin tucked down. Big watchful eyes. We did not run to her or grab her. I could see all over her face that it had been a big morning at the doctor's and that she was tired and wary of us strangers.

The nanny brought her up the front porch steps and stopped. Derartu looked at me and at Jeremy. I touched her and talked to her. She eyed us suspiciously. The nanny posed for the video camera for eternity. Finally she encouraged Derartu into my arms and our foreheads touched. We just stayed like that looking at each other. Then I brought her into a cuddle on my shoulder. She was so little and so watchful and wearing just the funniest little boy's baseball outfit.

There was no ceremony to it. No special instructions. No fanfare. This orphanage doesn't do things the same way as the agency transition homes for babies. It was both disappointing and reality.

We spent another hour visiting with Derartu in the baby room. I held her while she ate pasta in milk. She liked to clap for herself between bites which is something she still enjoys doing. She was so droopy and sleepy though. I gave her a bottle and we decided to say goodbye and return after naptime for another visit.
(Derartu liked looking at the photos I brought - all pictures of her and the nannies that we'd received from traveling friends.)
After her nap we came back and she was all dressed up in the infamous pink dress! This is a dress the nannies apparently love putting on her which was loathed by Morgan and her mom Jackie while they were there volunteering. We have a LOT of photos of Derartu in the pink dress. I thought it was very appropriate that our first afternoon with her be spent in the pink dress. :)
(Wearing her pink dress and "disgusted" face. She never cried with us but we could tell she was not easily impressed...)
We walked with Derartu around the yard. We touched her feet to grass. We talked to her and gave her some yogurt melts. (Despised them but enjoyed smearing them around the pink dress.) We spent time with Justin, Melissa, their family and baby Galeta whom they had just picked up. We took a photo of Derartu and Galeta under a tree together before they said goodbye.

She was very serious. She was concerned about spending so much time outside. Once we took her back into her nursery, into the familiar, she came alive again and showed us how she could crawl and play. It was a good lesson learned. She needed some time to adjust with us in the familiar. We spent the rest of the day playing on the floor with her and the toddlers who enjoyed climbing all over Jeremy's shoulders and back.

(By the time we said goodbye on day one she had warmed up to daddy quite a bit!)
Blur. Not nearly enough family photos. Blur. THE day went by in a flash.

~A

P.S. I am sacrificing extremely valuable sleep time tonight to write this. Waiting for her midnight wake up cry. Oh. I think I hear it! We are so sleep deprived.

We are not ourselves.

I. Have acute bronchitis. (Read, heaving gagging cough that keeps me from sleeping, sucks my breath away and wakes her up just as we are rocking into a nap.)

She. Is angry and confused and not herself at all. I'm glad we had 19 days together in Ethiopia so I know that this is not her true personality. But knowing that doesn't make me feel better about it. I feel bad that we have put her in a position of feeling so turned upside down. She is wearing the serious owl face a lot. And I swear she is cursing in Amharic at us. She lets out a string of baby curses with mamamama and daddada thrown in just so we know they are directed at us.

We. Are not at all ourselves. Passing ships in the night. Communication has come down to shushing, pointing, and annoyed eyes. Both of us are tired and our balance is off which means we frequently step on each other or bump into each other in our tiny kitchen. I am missing laughter and making dinner together and walks around the lake. I am trying to have faith that we'll get back there. Plus one.

Here is how I envisioned our first weeks home together.

- I would create incredible artistic adoption announcements and mail off at least 100 to closest friends and family.

- We would take a gorgeous family photo shoot in the local park.

- The yard would be green and lucious and we would frolic in the baby pool.

- Every evening we would take a long stroll together as a family.

Here is the ugly reality.

- We have a stack of bills and mail a mile high that neither of us have time to open.

- My camera card is full but no photos have been saved or labeled and no waiting families have received the pictures I promised them.

- The minutes go by slowly but the day flies by in a blur of dirty diapers, smeared yogurt in the hair, naptime rocking, and conversations about when the lawn is actually going to get mowed and amazement over how the weeds have taken over. There will be no sweet yard lounging or baby pooling anytime soon.

- Presents arrive and within minutes of opening them I have forgotten who sent them. The thought of sending thank you cards seems unimaginably hard.

- We are frequently arguing over what to feed her during that precious hour when we had hoped to be strolling as a family. Instead we are making airplane food noises and cajoling her to eat so we can just go to bed already.

Oh real life. Why does it have to worm its way into the daydream and mess everything up?!

While Ethiopia was a gigantic challenge at least there was no pressure. No pressure to cook, clean, run errands, mow the lawn, answer the phone, answer emails, blog, write thank you cards, water the plants, feed the dogs, go to the bank, open bills. I am overwhelmed by real life with a baby who is a barnacle of confusion, need and anger.

Since I am not responding to emails or answering the phone (I don't have a voice anyway) - here are photos and a big thank you for the meals, calls, presents, and emails. Someday I will respond. And someday I will blog about the trip. And someday I assume we will be ourselves again.

~A

There is no place like home!

We are home in Denver.
I have no eloquent words to share. I may never write anything coherent again.

Lack of sleep, lost brain cells, dry heaving cough, and limited time on the computer without little hands grabbing grabbing everywhere = photo post. You know that's what you want anyway.

On March 1, 2010 her old soul eyes and thin arms had us quite worried. (Referral photo taken mid February.)

On March 3, 2010 this photo put our minds at ease.

And this photo made my heart leap.
One hundred and twenty seven is the number of pictures we received from friends, contacts and aquaintences between March 1st - June 1st. A big number but never enough to fill the hole of waiting, wondering and worrying.
We met our little girl on June 1st, 2010 and took her "home" with us in Ethiopia on June 3rd, 2010. We will never call that day "Gotcha Day." That phrase just seems too glib for the giant, terrifying, overwhelming transition we asked Derartu to make with us. Staying in Ethiopia for three weeks was very hard. There was no quick or fast break from nannies, other children, or staff and so there were many difficult moments along the way and many tiny heartbreaks for D. And for us.
For now a random selection of pictures. We'll go back to the beginning later when I have more time.

Day 1 afternoon. Our meeting timed with Justin and Melissa's meeting baby Galeta, Derartu's friend from the orphanage baby room. (Yes Morgan - she's in THAT dress again!)

Day 2 afternoon. Worried eyes. She was really sick but we didn't know it yet.

Day 3 morning. She took turns sleeping on us. I can't imagine how sick she was feeling. Turns out she had acute bronchitis, raging bacterial infection, eye infection, and two different fungal infections.
Day 6? Taken sometime after she started her medications and began showing her true silly self.

Day 14 afternoon. She loved Dinkanesh - Kelley's kids' nanny at the house.

Day 17 morning. Our last full day in Ethiopia. Celebrating with some traditional dress!

~A

Home tomorrow!

I haven't really received any more updates from A, but I'm sure she wants you all to know that their embassy appointment did happen on Wednesday and that they're heading home today. I think they get in tomorrow! So I'm sure that actual posts from A and lots and lots of cute pictures are not far off now.

Update from Ethiopia--Friday, June 11

This morning was D's last TB sputum test. Last day of getting up before 5am. Last day of intubation. We are all relieved and hoping that next Tuesday we hear good results.

We visited with Jon and Jess and baby Dawit this afternoon which was a lot of fun. D loved being with another baby and seeing some new toys. We've realized she is advanced for the silly rattles and baby things we brought. She's dying for some stacking blocks, shape sorters, and puzzles! Now when we try to give her a "baby toy" she throws it and gives us an angry look. Too boring!

I am feeling a lot better. Still coughing but every day gets better. D is breathing totally normally and her runny nose is just about gone. Fungal infections are clearing up. All in all looking really good! But I do feel really worried about bringing her back to the orphanage next Thursday for the going away party. I just don't want anyone kissing her. No more sickness please!! Jeremy unfortunately is getting sick now. He has lost his voice completely. He's hanging in there and trying to be strong but I am worried about him. We may have to make another visit to the Swedish clinic. :( I really can't imagine what I'll do if he goes down and is as sick as I was. He worked so hard while I was in bed. Scary to think of doing all of that myself.

So it looks like if the TB test is normal then we are definitely flying home Friday night. We have an embassy appointment on Wednesday. Amazing what can be done when you know people in the right places!

Today we made good progress on bonding with D. She thinks we are very funny and she keeps her eyes on Jeremy wherever he goes. We call him "the big guy". We were set back by my sickness and I think several days of ignoring her and laying comotose in bed made her a little suspicious of my intentions. But we'll get back on track. Today was fun. She loves to kiss, try to stand and walk, and move to the music. SHe always looks to see if we are watching and then smiles to herself to find that she's the center of our universe.

Nightime is harder. She wants to be rocked or walked to sleep and if she wakes up and we wait too long to pick her up, well...not good in her book. She goes from cute sleepy sounds to angry angry squalling in 2 seconds flat. We are getting decent sleep in between though. Hopefully it gets better at home. I think each day is so full of experiences that she can't process them all at night and she gets confused and upset. We definitely need DOWN TIME once we get home!

update from Ethiopia--from A's mom

hi there,...Bekah again. Here's an update through A's mom...

Hi everyone!

I'm writing to let you know that A has been very sick since Saturday evening - some awful bacterial infection. She's on antibiotics and is doing better - now has a bad cough. So that's why there have been no updates since then!

She is hopeful that they can all leave Ethiopia on the 19th....the big IF is whether or not D has TB. So that's the big prayer request - please pray that she does NOT have TB.

So far J is holding up and hasn't gotten sick - in fact, he's been taking D to her early morning (6:00 am!) doctor's visit the last couple days where she's been having tests done for the TB. They think they'll get the results on Monday since the tentative embassy visit is next Wednesday.

A is hopeful she'll be able to be on line tomorrow....she's back "in the land of the living" again.

Update from Ethiopia--Today, June 6

And last for now, this is from today...

Had to wake D up for meds at 6:30am. It's funny to me that she loves to sleep so much. A baby after my own heart. Hopefully it isn't just because she's sick. She was very happy for the morning and ate a good breakfast (we found a rich sweet creamy baby rice that she loves.) She really likes to clap for herself after each bite. It's hilarious and keeps all of us around the breakfast table laughing. But I am worried that she isn't eating enough. Fresh fruits and cooked veggies are not her favorites. She seems to only like mac and cheese and injera.

I think J is going to change his ticket to stay with me. Honestly I don't know how single mothers do this. I am exhausted. Right now it is 5pm and both Derartu and I are ready for bed. Also the medicine schedule is very grueling, the appointments have us running around a lot, and I just cannot picture both of us making it home without J. I am pretty sure we'd end up asleep at Heathrow and miss our connection. D is growing up each day before our eyes. It's fun to see. She is bright and funny and enjoys absolutely every new experience. She is really into giving kisses today and had to give them to everyone around her. Big sloppy heart shaped lip kisses.

Tomorrow we are going back to the orphanage to attend her fellow baby's going away party. I think D's going away party is still a week or two away. I am a little nervous about how she'll react to the nannies. I can't even predict. I hope she is sweet to them but doesn't want to GO to them...! Ok, thunder and lightning starting up again. It's like this every late afternoon. Have to try to check a few other emails before I drop from exhaustion.

Update from Ethiopia--June 5

This is from yesterday...

Yesterday morning we took D for her doctor's appointment at 7am and he stood us up. We had to DRAG the baby out of bed, give her the meds (she took them drop by drop since she was so tired and didn't care) and get ourselves ready and be there that early for nothing. I was too tired to be livid but am pretty pissed off now. They told us he had a late evening so decided to come at 10am instead. There weren't any taxis available in rush hour so we had to WALK her back to Kelley's about a mile away. And please remember no sidewalks, walking alongside the road, in the dirt, over rocks, in between goats and other icky morning traffic. White parents, Ethiopian child. Not allowed to walk the roads per agency rules. Very conspicuous. Awful.

Got home and Kelley made us an appointment with her doctor at the Swedish clinic which is the best in town and the only one the NGO families trust with their kids. We went and they saw us right away. The doctor examined her and found the following quite a few issues she's dealing with. So she is on 4 new medicines now. Fortunately we have found that if she is sleepy she doesn't fight the medicine. She sort of rolls her eyes back and compliantly takes the drops. So cute.

After spending 3+ hours at the doctor's office we came home, fed her lunch and after eating a big yummy noodle lunch followed by applesauce she promptly vomited EVERYTHING out. Right into the bottom bib pocket. So convenient! But we were sad that she had an empty stomach again. We've been heavily relying on formula to fill her up since we can't seem to find any solids that she loves. We'll keep trying.

Anyway, two minutes after vomit episode we get a call from our adoption agency saying that we can go to immigration to apply for her passport THAT AFTERNOON. So we rush over to the agency and drive with the social worker and some other kids (normally the workers do this with the kids before parents come) and then sit in the 7th circle of hell for 3 hours waiting for her passport photo. It was POURING rain. About 10,000 people in line circling the building. No bathrooms. SIGH. Awful. She was so good though. She has much more patience for the bureacracy here than we do. She had a ba (bottle), batted her eyelashes at people, clapped together her stacking cups (best purchase ever - she is addicted to them) and behaved well.

We were SO tired. Have I mentioned that her first night with us she slept 12 hours (with 3 wake ups) and we slept ZERO? Could. not. sleep. Awful. Got about 6 hours last night. She got 13. Something seems wrong here. Aren't we supposed to be sleeping when she sleeps? Ok, where am I? So 7th circle of hell ended with her taking the cutest passport photo ever. I am sure when she hits immigration when we land in the US they will automatically pronounce her America's Next Top Supermodel!

We came home, dinner, she was asleep by 6pm and slept until 7am. Only 2 wake ups for stinky diaper changes and one bottle. It was a hard day. But the good news was that we saw her birth certificate finally. (Not a real one, the fake they make for adoptions.) They assigned her July 18, 2009 as her birthday. Not even a remote possibility since she is so obviously one already. (She's getting pretty enthused to try and walk.) But nice that we will get to celebrate with her at
with friends. Today was much better. She's been feeling peppier. We went to the Bunkers' international school in the am to walk the track, play with the kids on the playground and enjoy the beautiful landscaping. So peaceful. I was glad to feel like we got out of the city even though we were still here. It's an oasis. D slept and then played beautifully on a blanket. She's very silly after nap time. Lots of peek a boo, clapping for herself, grinning, pretending to hand a toy and then snatch it back, giving high five, etc. She makes everyone laugh and the best thing is that she finds HERSELF funny. You can tell! ;)

More side note. It's fun to see her have firsts. First look in a mirror and she was in love. She waved bye bye to herself. First kiss on the lips with me. She wanted more and more and more! She and I slept for 3 hours this afternoon. J picked up some hair cream for her and some other little things. (Her hair is thick and very tight little corkscrews. It takes a ton of hair cream to keep it curly and not frizzy.) Now J is entertaining her with pieces of fruit and I am finally on the computer for a few minutes. I have a work report due on Thurs if you can believe it. I don't have internet in my room or anything so time on the computer is limited.

Update from Ethiopia--June 3

Hi there. Bekah again. Here's an update from June 3rd, Thursday...

WE HAVE D ! This morning we went at 9am for our visit. She loved being outside. D fell instantly asleep and napped on our laps for almost two hours while we chatted and took photos and got to know another family here. Then we talked to our agency's office down the street to ask about her paperwork. We were told it still wasn't processed (birth cert and court decree have to come from the court before you can take custody.) They didn't give us a lot of hope for it to be done until next week. Then also told us that we had to go to the embassy to do a ton of paperwork since J won't be with me on the 30th for my embassy appointment. Then told me I had to go to the ET embassy to extend my visa since it expires on the 30th. And told me that an extension would be very hard to get. AAAACK. SO frustrating. But then a half an hour later they called and said they have her birth cert (can't wait to find out tomorrow what birth date she was assigned) and her court decree! So we went back int he afternoon and picked her up!

Amazing.And our friend we are staying with has a friend at the state dept. who she will call to see if we can bypass the two week rule and get into an embassy appointment by mid month. I so hope that works. Please pray we can all go home together and not do all of the additional npaperwork and hassle.

Anyway, J went to pick up D and wait for me. (I was in a work meeting.) He waited 45 minutes alone and D pitched her first fit as the nannies went home for the night. By the time I got there he was standing forlornly in the driveway of the orphanage, D looking angry in his arms, kids swarming him. Not a good sight. We hustled them into the car and took off.

D had her first bath and loved it. Loved splashing. Was a trooper getting hair washed. Snuggled into jammies. Ate. Spit all of her medicine out. :( But then went into her peapod (thanks Jack!!!) at 6:30pm and went straight to sleep holding my hand. Easy. So far. Now we will see how the night goes. She has all sorts of various minor ailments we've realized that all have to be looked at by a doctor at 7am tomorrow. Hope that goes ok. For a second opinion we will go to Kelley's international doctor early next week. That is all from here. No easy way to upload photos. Sorry. :( Use your imagination.

Updates from Ethiopia--Day One and Two

Dearest family and friends of A and J,
Hi there! I'm Bekah and I'm a friend of A and J's from their church. You can check out my blog at www.oneyearofinjera.com. I'm certain that many of you are anxious to get an update on how their new little family is doing. But A has had a hard time getting onto the blog to post, so I'm going to post some of her email updates from the last few days here... I'll start with the day they met (June 1, I think) and then post the rest of the updates over today and tomorrow. Unfortunately, I'm not able to give you all what I know you really want... PICTURES! I don't think they've been able to upload any yet. But hopefully some of those will come soon. Enjoy...

From an email on June 2 (the day after they met D):

Quick summary of Day 1. Sweaty palms. J just off plane. Got to her care center and she wasn't there - at doctor's. Cried a lot in her room when I saw our photo over her bed. Pulled it together for her arrival. Met her getting off the van. She was very tired but let us hold her and ooh and ahh over her. Totally surreal out of body experience. The whole thing. Can't remember even a minute of yesterday. Glad we have it on video.

Day 2 - today.

Went to the care center at 10am and met a very sleepy D. Apparently she takes a morning nap at 10:30 or so. Wow. Spent half an hour with her. Fed her some cereal, changed diaper, etc. When the nanny went out of the room I quickly checked her temp and it was 97 so that's good! After yesterday (limp, sweaty, lifeless in the afternoon) I was sure she was running a fever. Also she had blood drawn the day before so I wonder if made her feel a little sick. Anyway, still a little chest rattle but not disastrous and nothing I would make a fuss about here. I think she'll be fine until we go home. Definitely a little respiratory thing though. All the kids have it. When we got there at 10am even though she was sleepy she gave us a big smile and really made great eye contact.

We left her to sleep and went to change money, wander this "mall" place, go to lunch at a yummy European place, and buy a few groceries like J's juice he likes and honey to replace all the honey I've been eating at Kelley's on yogurt and tea. Then we rested for a bit and went back at 3pm. Stayed until 5pm. She was SUPER happy to see us when we came back. BIG smiles, clapping, waving. She was getting her diaper changed and I think the cool air on bare legs made her cheerful. Then of course they put a million layers on her and she got progressively limper and sweatier. Poor kid. Kelley has a baby pool so we'll make use of that and the baby swimsuit when we get her here.

Anyway, we took her out by herself to the play area and sat on the slide with her. Gave her the snack trap cup (from you mom!) and she learned to pull out cheerios and yogurt melts. She was SO proud. We would yell Bravo, Yay!! And she would smile and smile and then try again. She dropped half but had fun. She is good with her fingers and she loved the cup so much. She liked to chew it too. Then we went for a slow ride on the merry go round. She clutched it tightly but didn't cry. Then we stuck tongues out, sang some songs, clapped a bit, etc. We are a dog and pony show for her. When we stop she gets a distant look or a sad look or sinks down a bit. Have to keep up the happy play or she gets nervous. She is much more comfortable back on the floor of the baby room. My guess is she doesn't get outside a lot. It's a weird world to her. Grass is a totally foreign concept to her feet. So when we went back in she would hand me toys and then snatch them away. AND when she was being held by her nanny she turned and reached to come back to me. Ahhhh. It was heavenly. I am sure we are breaking the nannies' hearts little by little but what can we do?

Other than that we admired her curls which are pure soft perfection. Noticed her semi dimples - when she smiles big. Tickled the bottom of her feet. And all around made fools of ourselves. As evidenced by AWFUL photos of us. In every photo we are white and sweaty and grinning and pathetic. It's honestly funny. She of course always looks perfect.

She hasn't cried yet at all. I am curious when/if that will come.

We still don't get custody until next week. It is going to be torture.

We said the little mantra "it's ok if we don't feel anything right away, love comes in time, etc etc" yadda yadda yadda. HAH! WE ARE BOTH SMITTEN fools. Fools. It is great though. No worries. We are in love and she is coming around. ;) J can't stop talking about her. It's cute. I shouldn't embarrass him though. He is losing the attempt to remain masculine. I'm pretty sure he played This Little Piggy on her toes today.