You take the good you take the bad you take them both and there you have...

December 8th today and already this month has been a rollercoaster of adoption news and feelings. Started with World AIDS Day on the 1st and really has not slowed down since. This morning I got a call. Not the call. But a call from Erin Henderson, our coordinator, nonetheless which is exciting just because you know that when you hear her voice you are getting close!

It is cold here. Have you seen the weather map? Almost a millon square miles covering CO-MN of cold and snow? I say this because it explains why at 8:30am I was still snuggled into bed downstairs - in our "new" bedroom - when the call came. Cold = one of my favorite things which is my R.estoration H.ardware blanket in bed with my laptop. (See end of blog.)

So the phone rang and it was a private caller. This could mean one of three people: my supervisor/chair of Faith to Action Initiative (but since she is also not a morning person I couldn't imagine it was her), my colleague in NY who is two hours ahead of me and so would definitely not still be in bed snuggling under her blanket, OR someone from our agency.

It was Erin and when she said "hi, this is Erin Henderson" my hands started shaking hard and my breath got suddenly very short and choppy. I said "it IS????"

And then as she is trying to explain her call which began with "this is not a referral call" an ENORMOUS spider emerged from under my laptop (which was on my lap and have I mentioned IN BED???) and began spider leggy flopping around my covers. I hate spiders. I am terrifed of spiders. I should have thought of this possibility when we moved to the basement which is probably the winter getaway for all sorts of spider folk. I think it dropped on me from the ceiling. I was on the phone, shaking, trying to hold it all together while scanning the ceiling for a spider web and leaping around the room trying to fling it far far away.

I actually had to stop Erin and tell her that a spider was on me! Certainly a first for her in making these calls I think.

Somewhere in all of that Erin explained that her news was not good news. Worse than a spider in my bed in my new bedroom?? Yes.

Last week our agency had some new baby arrivals. We were in line for one of them. This week they had some further testing done and both have been moved to the healthy infant referral list. Good for the healthy babies...really. That is the way that these things work at times. Although this situation is a little stranger than it seems. But I think it is best to leave it at that.

I am not devastated. I'm very very proud actually that I didn't run with the news I had last week and shout it from the rooftops. I even refrained from telling our church adoption group anything on Sunday. It was a test run of self control for me.

Now we are officially #1 for a baby girl. Who is definitely not in care yet. BUT there is also the possibility of a toddler referral of a girl who IS in care.

Have I mentioned that this is a rollercoaster of emotions?

It is a hard balance of wanting to rush and say yes to anyone and anything because the waiting is so hard and also carefully considering what we can handle and who is the best fit for us.

That is my news for today. Tuesday, December 8th, 2009. I have a feeling there is more on the way but I cannot even begin to imagine where we'll be on the 18th. My predicted referral day.

~A

PS. Favorite thing: R.estoration H.ardware blanket of soft perfection. Ours is steel gray. It is machine washable. It is soft and fluffy like a kitten on one side and smooth and soft on the other. Repels dog hair, retained its fluff and softness through the past year, and is the perfect companion for the cold of Colorado. If I could make all of my clothes out of this material I would.