Every tree limb overhead seems to sit and wait, while every step you take becomes a twist of fate.
Up on the watershed, standing at the fork in the road...

If you are new to our adoption blog please take a moment to scroll down to the archives at the bottom of this page and start with July 2009 post "Watershed."


You take the good you take the bad you take them both and there you have...

December 8th today and already this month has been a rollercoaster of adoption news and feelings. Started with World AIDS Day on the 1st and really has not slowed down since. This morning I got a call. Not the call. But a call from Erin Henderson, our coordinator, nonetheless which is exciting just because you know that when you hear her voice you are getting close!

It is cold here. Have you seen the weather map? Almost a millon square miles covering CO-MN of cold and snow? I say this because it explains why at 8:30am I was still snuggled into bed downstairs - in our "new" bedroom - when the call came. Cold = one of my favorite things which is my R.estoration H.ardware blanket in bed with my laptop. (See end of blog.)

So the phone rang and it was a private caller. This could mean one of three people: my supervisor/chair of Faith to Action Initiative (but since she is also not a morning person I couldn't imagine it was her), my colleague in NY who is two hours ahead of me and so would definitely not still be in bed snuggling under her blanket, OR someone from our agency.

It was Erin and when she said "hi, this is Erin Henderson" my hands started shaking hard and my breath got suddenly very short and choppy. I said "it IS????"

And then as she is trying to explain her call which began with "this is not a referral call" an ENORMOUS spider emerged from under my laptop (which was on my lap and have I mentioned IN BED???) and began spider leggy flopping around my covers. I hate spiders. I am terrifed of spiders. I should have thought of this possibility when we moved to the basement which is probably the winter getaway for all sorts of spider folk. I think it dropped on me from the ceiling. I was on the phone, shaking, trying to hold it all together while scanning the ceiling for a spider web and leaping around the room trying to fling it far far away.

I actually had to stop Erin and tell her that a spider was on me! Certainly a first for her in making these calls I think.

Somewhere in all of that Erin explained that her news was not good news. Worse than a spider in my bed in my new bedroom?? Yes.

Last week our agency had some new baby arrivals. We were in line for one of them. This week they had some further testing done and both have been moved to the healthy infant referral list. Good for the healthy babies...really. That is the way that these things work at times. Although this situation is a little stranger than it seems. But I think it is best to leave it at that.

I am not devastated. I'm very very proud actually that I didn't run with the news I had last week and shout it from the rooftops. I even refrained from telling our church adoption group anything on Sunday. It was a test run of self control for me.

Now we are officially #1 for a baby girl. Who is definitely not in care yet. BUT there is also the possibility of a toddler referral of a girl who IS in care.

Have I mentioned that this is a rollercoaster of emotions?

It is a hard balance of wanting to rush and say yes to anyone and anything because the waiting is so hard and also carefully considering what we can handle and who is the best fit for us.

That is my news for today. Tuesday, December 8th, 2009. I have a feeling there is more on the way but I cannot even begin to imagine where we'll be on the 18th. My predicted referral day.


PS. Favorite thing: R.estoration H.ardware blanket of soft perfection. Ours is steel gray. It is machine washable. It is soft and fluffy like a kitten on one side and smooth and soft on the other. Repels dog hair, retained its fluff and softness through the past year, and is the perfect companion for the cold of Colorado. If I could make all of my clothes out of this material I would.


  1. I will be praying for your referral day to come at the PERFECT time, and for you to have the PERFECT amount of patience required to wait.

    A spider story... I once pulled back my covers, before crawling into bed one night, to see an ENORMOUS spider crawling out from under my covers and onto the floor. I don't care for spiders one bit. Over the years I have learned to do what is necessary to get rid of them myself when no one suitable is around to help me. Needless to say, I really struggled to crawl under my covers and go to sleep that night. I've decided that when I get to heaven I will ask God about spiders. When sin entered the world at the time of Adam and Eve, were spiders created to cause us such angst, or was the fear just added into the equation. Maybe if Adam and Eve had never sinned, we would all love spiders and keep them as pets. For now, though, they need to stay out of my house. I wish you many peaceful and spider-less days and nights in your new basement bedroom.

  2. WOW....hoping you hear someting very soon!!
    And that no more spiders drop in for a visit!

  3. oh, I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry that you've found out the potential baby girl wasn't for you.

    The waiting is indeed extremely hard. There is nothing fun about waiting. I really hope this stage is OVER for you soon!

  4. Okay - what a roller coaster! Oy! Erin just emails me - if she actually called, well I'd faint because I would assume it was very bad news. I've gotten plenty of email about bad news so a phone call well that would be over the top.

  5. Oh girl. I'm so sorry this process is so up and down. I'm shocked you haven't gotten a referral yet. Praying. On a side note - exactly what is that blanket? I need a new one and that looks lovely.


About Me

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J and I have been married for almost 15 years. We have shared many adventures and a lot of watershed moments. In 2009 I began blogging and in 2010 we adopted our daughter from Ethiopia. In March of 2012 we began the process to adopt a little boy from Haiti. This blog follows the many twists and turns on the road to our two children and beyond.