Waiting to Know

Colorado requires FIVE homevisits to complete the homestudy! That's why my friends and family have been hearing about "the homestudy" for what seems like forever.

For everyone who has asked what a homestudy is here is my best explanation. The state of Colorado and the Ethiopian Adoption Authorities need a document that describes our home, our relationship, our family dynamics, our health, our financial status, and our ability to parent. Our local social worker will write this document for us, it will get notarized, it will be approved by the state, by our international agency and then get translated and sent to Ethiopia.

So during the five visits we talk - guided talks. I actually love it.
This week we sat on the back porch basking in the sun, drinking coffee, eating fruit and muffins, and talking. It is part interview, part therapy, part chat with a friend. I think even J enjoyed himself.

That is the good news.

Now the reality check.
The reason my posts have been so bipolar sounding.

Jeremy and I made the ultimate error in waiting child (read special needs) international adoption. (Why didn't anyone warn us ahead of time?!)

Almost a month ago now we chose a child from a waiting child photo listing. I knew the second I saw her and read her story. I actually emailed the placing agency immediately and said that we wanted her before talking to J. I just knew. I called my mom. We spent hours discussing every tiny wonderful detail of her face and daydreaming about tiny chubby hands and soft curls.

A few days later J and I printed all of her photos and medical information and sat together examining them. We said, this might be it. We looked around the yard and could see her playing there. We discussed building a playhouse. We knew there were risks, both health and legal, involved during the wait, but we held hands and decided we would jump in with our whole hearts. And then I began completing paperwork like mad!

Our agency warned us that they would accept one other interested family since our homestudy wasn't finished yet, but after a week had gone by we began to hope that we were in the clear.

Ten days later another family came forward for her. A family that has an approved homestudy and approved clearance to adopt from the US.CIS. Basically they are entirely ready and just needed a child, a court date, and plane tickets.

We took the little one's photo off the fridge. We put the little dress somewhere we couldn't see it every time we walked past the place it had been hanging. The giddy-panic came to an end and a little fog settled in. The really bad week of July 26th settled in. We adjusted our thinking and accepted that this other family was ready to travel and she would be home soon - a good thing for her.

I did not blog about it. I pretended to be gracious about it. There were no tears and no fighting it.

But here we are, another 11 days later, and "the other family" has not formally accepted her referral. The delay, whether it is theirs or the agency's, means that there is no way they can get through court before it closes at the end of this month.

When court in Ethiopia reopens on October 6th we will be paper ready - same as the other family.

It is so hard to see this happening and wonder what their delay could mean. Are they unsure? It is hard to know how to pray the right prayer. Here is the prayer I have decided on - and it just reverberates off of me day and night - "God give this little girl the right family for her. Only you can see all the possibilities and know what she will need from parents. Give her the right family."

We put the photo back on the fridge but I don't stand frozen gazing at it every day anymore.
I am trying to simultaneously steal my heart for the news and keep moving forward in faith that maybe, you just never know...

That is the adoption update. Our dossier documents are almost finished and ready to be authenticated at the Secretary of State. Our homestudy draft will be ready during the last week of the month. Our parenting resource plan has been written. Our 10 hours of online training are done. We are attending our 2nd day long in-person adoption training this Saturday. Come Oct. 6th we will be ready.

I struggled with deciding whether or not to post about this situation. But I thought it was really disingenuous to keep posting about everything else under the sun but not the one most important thing we are dealing with right now.

~A