It's been building.
I cried at a work related dinner meeting 2 weeks ago. Yes, you read that right. My colleagues were pushing me about my summer plans, my plans for childcare, my plans for attachment and bonding...on and on and on. Some things were questioned. I became defensive. Then some kind words were said. And the tears started dripping everywhere.
I wrote it out to someone yesterday.
I said it aloud to someone today.
My chewed up bottom lip is a sure giveaway. But I smile and try really hard.
Our court date is tomorrow night and that could be a piece of it.
But it's more than that.
It isn't about the chee.rios or the baby socks or the name. It's bigger. I can't put it into words. Please don't ask me to explain. I feel like I should feel happy. But happy is not all it is cracked up to be I think. Happy is easy. Adoption is just so damn complex.