tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post1132746628196692385..comments2023-05-20T01:43:11.172-07:00Comments on WATERSHED: The Controversial and the MundaneMe. Us. She.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00222015524829943773noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-25744591487790637662010-11-08T11:24:16.490-08:002010-11-08T11:24:16.490-08:00Debated about whether or not to comment but this p...Debated about whether or not to comment but this post has been bugging me since I read it earlier today. It seems as if this whole thing is being blown way out of proportion. I agree that we as adoptive moms must be incredibly diligent about respecting our kids' birth race culture but this seems to have gone too far. Hurtful comments about a moms desire to return to work or questions as to if someone should have even adopted in the first place (another blogger's comments) seem counterproductive to supporting each other in this already landmine ridden path to adoption. I believe we should be encouraging one another and supporting each other in our desire to "rescue the orphans in their distress". Bless your hearts, if you all have enough time to debate something as small as this, I wish I had all that time to spare. We all will make mistakes as moms, adoptive and biological. the important thing is that we don't tear each other down. Perhaps an email to this mom, whose blog I've never even seen, would have been a kinder route?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-91681839154075884702010-11-08T04:38:57.168-08:002010-11-08T04:38:57.168-08:00I did a post regarding terminology that you may or...I did a post regarding terminology that you may or may not find of interest....<br /><br />Here's to a great day!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-50486639115602114942010-11-06T10:30:32.737-07:002010-11-06T10:30:32.737-07:00LOVE your post! I feel like we could be friends b...LOVE your post! I feel like we could be friends because you sound like one of my friends.<br /><br />My favorite quote: Oh, what? You don't have a girlfriend of another race?<br />Maybe that is the problem.<br /><br />I think you're completely on point. Keep spreading the knowledge.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-2236527920804299702010-11-05T17:11:08.737-07:002010-11-05T17:11:08.737-07:00Naive, unaware, too busy to notice are never good ...Naive, unaware, too busy to notice are never good reasons for racism. As a transracial family and as THE parent the responsibility is on us. Read, get involved, change your church, make new friends - It is your responsibility to do this.<br /><br />A - thanks for this post...keep it up!<br /><br />LLeahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15294603938160394697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-45262240656369099102010-11-05T14:09:22.288-07:002010-11-05T14:09:22.288-07:00Thanks for this post. I am not an adoptive parent,...Thanks for this post. I am not an adoptive parent, but I might be someday. <br /><br />To be honest, when I first started reading your post, I thought you were over-reacting. Sure, it's a little insensitive, but is it really that big of a deal? <br /><br />Reading the rest of your post and the comments that followed opened my eyes to a level of racism and a need for sensitivity that I was totally unaware of. Thanks for bringing up these topics honestly and clearly to educate those of us who really are just that naive.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-8132924008817683502010-11-05T12:27:43.218-07:002010-11-05T12:27:43.218-07:00Hmmm. I think it's a legitimate call that this...Hmmm. I think it's a legitimate call that this post is a bit divisive. That wasn't my intention (and I'm actually feeling quite sorry if that is the outcome.) I'm not following any debate about this online, involved in any conversations about it, nothing. I just needed to say something on this topic and it wasn't appropriate to harangue the blog author about it. Maybe I could have left her out of it altogether? I thought I had by not posting a link to her blog. Now THAT would have been divisive and not right.<br /><br />I guess I just want to say this. I don't think the author is a jerk or idiot or bad mother. Not at all. I really don't get that feeling from her. As I said, I've always liked her blog! But I was disappointed with her reaction (not just in her blog posts - some of her statements were written in the comments sections over several posts.) It just seemed like she was saying that she had race handled because her biological daughter is biracial. And many of her commenters were quite naive sounding in their blind support - insinuating that the more we are sensitive to racial stereotypes the more we perpetuate racial tension. (Which is simply untrue.)<br /><br />My point is simply that all of us raising children of other races need to be open to the fact that we aren't going to get it right all the time, especially at first. And a deep sense of humility is needed. I have a long long way to go. So far, so long. It is humbling and tiring to think about. <br /><br />My post is not meant to be mean-spirited. But I can see areas that it could be interpreted that way. I hope there are no serious feelings hurt in blogland and that it's triggered some self-reflection (from all of us.)<br />AMe. Us. She.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00222015524829943773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-19541516109440976822010-11-05T10:56:21.918-07:002010-11-05T10:56:21.918-07:00Ok, so I have been following this controversy acro...Ok, so I have been following this controversy across four different blogs. I want to start by saying that I 100% agree with your cause here. I really do. BUT, this post still really gets under my skin. Not the general idea of what you are saying, but what you are saying at the expense of someone else.<br /><br />I don’t know the blogger in question, but I know OF her and I can only imagine how much this post would hurt her and affect her two weeks into bringing home her son (a son she obviously loves). <br /><br />I also believe that her views on the matter are incorrect; however, she was obviously ignorant to the matter and seemed to take the comments to heart. Yes, ignorance is not an excuse, but cut this woman a break. She has a lot on her plate. She didn’t dismiss anyone’s concerned comments, but I think it is unrealistic to expect her to turn a 180* and throw out everything with a monkey and never use the word again 24 hours after someone pointed out that it is often considered racist. To me, she sounded like she was generally concerned with the issue and it is something she will be thinking on a whole lot more in the future. Let’s give her time to grow. When you consider the fact that she received at least twice as many comments supporting her use of monkeys (however shortsighted those comments may be), I personally think she did a pretty good job of considering the other side and didn’t deserve this post.<br /><br />I don’t recall her saying that she would continue to use the word in reference to her son (although she did say the clothing comment.). In fact, she said “I also think that what is in our hearts is what truly matters. . . but I know that would only work in an ideal world.” Which shows to me that the comments made by you and others got through to her. Yes, we do have to get it right when our children are at stake, but we ALL make mistakes. Your post, to me, is divisive and that is the last thing we need here as mothers, adoptive mothers, and multi racial families. (and the “That woman is an idiot” comment really gets me). <br /><br />I’m not trying to be disrespectful and I hope it didn’t come across that way, but I wanted to pass along another angle. I do commend you for standing up for what is RIGHT and trying to educate others. I think we all have room to grow.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-35477799818081686892010-11-05T10:40:40.660-07:002010-11-05T10:40:40.660-07:00Cindy is dead on right with her comment. Now "...Cindy is dead on right with her comment. Now "she" is posting about going back to work! **GASP** What?! with two little tiny very needy ones at home and she is PAYING a nanny to keep them?! I have four school aged kids and we do not make a whole lot of money, but I would never pay a nanny to keep my 4 month old baby and 1 year old that JUST came home from an orphanage. Why did she adopt?!Lucynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-62391710951843222032010-11-05T09:50:57.126-07:002010-11-05T09:50:57.126-07:00I agree with every.word.you.wrote -- and I have sp...I agree with every.word.you.wrote -- and I have spent WAY too much time analyzing, and perhaps overanalyzing, how I dress T and how he is perceived by others. BUT, I have a confession.... He has worn a Paul Frank t-shirt -- which was a gift from an AA friend! (Perhaps, it was a test LOL) I was a bit squeamish about it, but she thought I was being WAY too literal. She even went so far as to pull up Paul Frank's website (http://www.paulfrank.com/all-products/) to "prove" to me that Paul Frank uses a ton of AA models (they do), and that, although I was on the right track, and my intentions correct, I was taking things a bit too far..... That said, I was admittedly glad when he grew out of the t-shirt in a month!!! On the topic, two little boys (ages 3 and 5) called T a worm today. When I said he wasn't a worm, they said he was an ant. Harmless? I think T felt my confusion and alarms going off because he swatted the younger of the two kids -- which is very contrary to his laid-back nature.... We can pontificate about all this on the beaches of Belize. Are we ON?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00359635742485543448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-13794339906836617002010-11-05T09:34:10.937-07:002010-11-05T09:34:10.937-07:00A -
1) re your comment on my blog, different gir...A - <br /><br />1) re your comment on my blog, different girl. This girl's mother died a long time ago. Virtually every other Dateline is about a murdered spouse.<br /><br />2) I have the most precious smocked dress with monkeys around the collar. It is one of my favorites that my Maggie ever wore. The cutest thing. I also have several watermelon rompers. All of them are 'boutique' and very expensive. And I have kissed them all goodbye (literally, I love that monkey dress so much) because I just won't put my African baby in a dress with monkeys or watermelons on it. No way. <br /><br />Not knowing the blogger, i hope that she is just completely clueless. I have a SIL and I can completely see her doing that. She is just so naive that we often find ourselves scratching our heads at her. I hope that this is the case with that blogger! Surely, even though she feels defensive now - we all get defensive when our mothering is criticized, what hurts more that that? - she has been set straight. Gotta believe it.Missyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11264845015930907294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-25847767082034614652010-11-05T07:58:18.660-07:002010-11-05T07:58:18.660-07:00This post is so amazingly RIGHT ON. Thank you for ...This post is so amazingly RIGHT ON. Thank you for this, and for not couching your sentiments/reactions in "gentle" language. This is an important message and it needs to be heard--regardless of how much explaining away parents can do.Norahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10466907509767024548noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-7283018904859220542010-11-05T07:50:50.332-07:002010-11-05T07:50:50.332-07:00Have to say that I am LOVING the comments from eve...Have to say that I am LOVING the comments from everyone - including so many readers I didn't know before. Thanks for the cheers of support. I was FUMING yesterday about this and then realized...I have a blog! I can actually SAY something to the universe on this topic. So glad you all "get it." Love you even more.Me. Us. She.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00222015524829943773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-6266479926913398532010-11-05T04:28:00.882-07:002010-11-05T04:28:00.882-07:00Oh my gosh!!! I LOVE this. As you will see on my b...Oh my gosh!!! I LOVE this. As you will see on my blog, I had the unfortunate coincidence of posting about my black child actually being CALLED a monkey within 24 hours of her posting her Halloween photos. That led to some blog drama at the beginning of my week! I am literally cheering out loud reading this post. My friend sent me the link because she knows that we kindred spirits in the adoption community that choose to educate ourselves regurally about what it means to race African American children in America, are rare! Thank you, thank you for SAYING it. My favorite line:<br />"she chose to post a final comment stating that she would consider the points of view shared but would not go as far as to stop calling the child a monkey or give away the child's monkey themed clothing received as presents. Because "clothes are expensive."<br /><br />You know what else is expensive? Repairing damage.<br />It is emotionally expensive to repair the damage we do to the image of white parents parenting black children."<br /><br />You said it. I have given away brand new monkey outfits and will continue to do so, because my child's self esteem when he is older and looks back at his precious baby pictures is FAR more costly than some clearenced Carter's outfits.Lauriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07502259594425550745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-79334516863061554172010-11-05T03:16:36.692-07:002010-11-05T03:16:36.692-07:00Nevermind. I just found this.
http://en.wikiped...Nevermind. I just found this. <br /><br />http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ota_Benga<br /><br />I had no idea. That is disgusting.<br /><br />Baby girl is just going to have to do without that adorable monkey shirt she may or may not want someday.Meliskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11110415935998019937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-59662752672939877492010-11-05T02:37:08.611-07:002010-11-05T02:37:08.611-07:00So, I have to admit that I feel conflicted about t...So, I have to admit that I feel conflicted about this post. Just hear me out...<br /><br />I TOTALLY agree that it is 110% inappropriate for her to have dressed her daughter as a monkey for halloween. I feel so strongly about it that I created an additional 10% that defies science and every law in the universe in order to show just how much I disagree with it.<br /><br />However you mentioned "give away the child's monkey themed clothing" and I am having my own personal mental tug-of-war over this same issue. Originally I told my husband absolutey NO monkeys on anything. It's wrong. It's racist. It's physically PUTTING racism ON our child. <br /><br />Then, a very honest, very educated, very close African American friend of mine laughed in my face. She told me I was waaay overdoing it and said verbadum "Unless it is a piece of clothing given to you by some Grand Dragon, you don't need to worry about it."<br /><br />I have to admit, I still feel---errr...not quite right-- about it. And I have already warned people that monkey-themed clothing will be returned.<br /><br />BUT I was at Gym.boree today and I saw THE CUTEST clothing line of monkey-themed outfits. Dark pink, brown and lime green (i'm a sucker for those colors) big polka dots and...a monkey. <br /><br />Now, am I going to buy that for baby girl? Hell no. <br /><br />But, if she, when she is older, decides she loves monkey, has some birthday money and sets her little sights on a tshirt with a furry, smiling little monkey on it....do I have to deny her something she loves, something she is interested in...because of institutional racism? <br /><br />I am really, honestly not sure. I don't know that I am going to keep her from buying it. <br /><br />I'm just not sure.Meliskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11110415935998019937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-63758863772390784562010-11-04T23:32:09.859-07:002010-11-04T23:32:09.859-07:00That particular woman has very littler interest in...That particular woman has very littler interest in learning anything. She has consistently lectured about how much she knows about everything. She knows better then adoption professionals, better then experienced parents and and adoptive parents. She wants sympathy for the poor choices she has made for her children. Her writing since her second child came home has smacked of deep selfishness. Her sleep, her time and her needs. There have been so many disturbing thing written about him that I find it frightening. Her littlest one deserves more. her big one deserves a HELL of a lot more.<br />I know that I have had to open myself up so I could learn as I have moved through this adoption. I have learned so much about so many things and I also know I have not even scratched the surface of what I can learn. Thanks for the post.Cindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16842778531500045113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-53485886162891178402010-11-04T22:30:03.986-07:002010-11-04T22:30:03.986-07:00Bravo! That woman is an idiot! (You know I am dyin...Bravo! That woman is an idiot! (You know I am dying for the link right?)Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13790711152511868938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-37386607679336540002010-11-04T21:25:52.349-07:002010-11-04T21:25:52.349-07:00WOW! I followed a link on Missy's blog about y...WOW! I followed a link on Missy's blog about your day in the mall, post back in August. I so related with your thought process and then clicked to you current post. <br /><br />Excellent post. You expressed so well what I just posted about, that we as parents have to learn what parents of our child's ethnic group already know.Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15484607337052505871noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9077471860024761518.post-15218031116591427332010-11-04T19:06:19.180-07:002010-11-04T19:06:19.180-07:00I was and continue to be insulted and offended by ...I was and continue to be insulted and offended by many halloween costumes, and themed get ups. The question isn't one of intent- its a matter of- what happens later when the child knows the history of such terminology and knows Mom called her that.Sha Zam-https://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com